dumbledore: slytherin wins the house cup.
slytherin: WOO! VICTORY!
dumbledore: haha wait I forgot, 100 points to harry potter for breathing.
“I’m going to kill myself”
Teen Jesus: I want to get into Quinn's pants.
Sam: Have you considered becoming a lesbian?
Teen Jesus: *le blank stare*
Sam: She used to make me wear an animal sweater and a skirt, you could try that.
thank god for autocorrect
without it i almost sent “ghjdsofszd” instead of “oinvdrsfeadjwskx”
how fucking embarrassing
procrastination ft. me and the internet
I wish I could discover half of the happiness that women in commercials find when they’re eating yogurt.